One AM Posts

One AM Posts

I think that it’s important for me to better explain the 1 AM Posts. The second one especially, is the extreme end of my sleepless nights in learning to deal with this Combat Stress thing. They happen less and less often with each passing week and do not necessarily haunt my daily life. As time passes and I continue to learn more about myself and the inner workings of my mind I am learning to better cope with this thing. I understand that it is extremely personal in nature and that much of what I say is vulgar and offensive. However, I strongly believe that it is important for those that I am trying to reach out to to understand that they are not alone. With that being said, I do not speak for any Veteran other than myself. I also feel that it is extremely important for the people that have been a big part of my life, good, bad, or indifferent to learn about some of the things that I have been dealing with for longer than many realize.
If putting my personal life on public display can help both the public as well as the Veteran better understand some of what we deal with, then we can as a whole, start moving towards a better and brighter future for all of us. Much of the support we have received for CSTA is because those supporting it have a veteran in their life, or know someone who does and have seen the devastating effects combat stress can have on the veteran that does not seek help.
It took me a VERY long time and a lifetimes worth of bad decisions to start asking for help. I am one of the lucky ones though, I am starting to come through this on the brighter side of things. I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy, I’ve dealt with a lot of ups and downs, felt like I was completely losing my mind and that there was no way that anyone could understand. Turns out there are people that understand and who are willing to help. That’s the whole reason we’re seeing the out poor of public support for CSTA. It wouldn’t be where it is today without the generosity and support and donations from some very amazing people.
You cannot have the sweet without the sour. I hope that my page shows both of those. Most of my days and nights are amazing and inspirational and I feel like a human being again and usually sleep like a baby. But there is an enormous amount of responsibility that comes with the CSTA endeavor and I worry on a regular basis that I am going to screw it up. Most days I don’t let those thoughts overtake me and most days I am quite good at dealing with them, sometimes I need to hear other people tell me to slow down and take a break. I cannot thank them enough for that, as the 1 AM posts show, when I ignore those jewels of advice, I struggle to keep my shit together. But that’s why I have surrounded myself with the people that I have surrounded myself with. I have an amazing support group of friends and family who help keep me on track and keep me from losing my mind. This hasn’t been and won’t be an overnight transformation, and I will be dealing with many of my demons for the remainder of my life. The trick has been learning how to deal with them. Which I continue to do every single day.